Friends

“Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.”–Richard Bach

It’s has been a bit since I last wrote, but events over the last few days have pulled me back tonight and has compelled me to write and try to focus some of my thoughts.

Life has been busy. Despite the lack of sunlight, the absence of heat, two polar vortex(es?) and an abundance of snow  here in the midwest, time seems to be flying by. Mornings filled with workouts, days at the hospital packed with endless patient after patient, and evenings racing the kids  to dance practice and swim meets, helping with homework and final exams.  The days turn to weeks and weeks into months and in a blink of an eye half a year has gone by.  And that phone call to reach out and reconnect with a friend,  put off till “tomorrow”, all too easily extends into the unknown.

And then certain events happen that can literally take your breath away.  Facebook for me has become somewhat of a love / hate relationship. I do love following my friends from high school and college and watching their children grow photo by photo. But I hate how it has taken the pressure away from actually reaching out to hear their voices. Virtually connecting with people has taken the place of literally reaching out and “touch” someone via phone as the old AT&T commercials used to say.

3 days ago on Facebook I read that one of my dearest friends from college, Liza,  got married.  I saw the change in her status posted on my “feed”.   My breath taken away,  I found myself grinning from ear to ear.  Recently engaged, the wedding was actually a bit of a surprise.  I find I’m kicking myself for not having called earlier and am now behind on both congratulating her for both an engagement and wedding to boot!  But my frustration at my slow response, is overwhelmed by my elation for my friend.

Tonight, I found myself again breathless as I read about the death of the father of another close college friend, Dan.   It appears he was battling cancer and passed away yesterday.  Mixed in with my sadness for my friend and his family was frustration at myself for not even knowing his father had been ill for several months.  I have failed to reach out even since his daughter was born almost 6 months ago.

In the fall of 1988 as a Freshman, I moved into the Statesider at the University of Wisconsin. And there by luck, change or  good fortune, I was forced to live (or more accurate,  people were forced to live with me!) on the fourth floor.  Many of these poor saps would go on to be some of the most important and profound people in my life.   I do truly believe Richard Bach’s quote written above.  And feel so blessed that so many of the friends made that first year still matter today.  I remember sobbing in Liza’s arms the night of college graduation, physically overwhelmed by the uncertainty of my future.  And I remember quite a few late nights over the years with Dan,  wrestling with the weight of our worlds over many bottles of Chimay Ale. Although its been over a year and a half since I  met Liza for breakfast in the city, and close to the same time since Dan and I saw Springsteen at Wrigley Field, our friendships are as meaningful now as they were 20 years ago.

So it is with my heart  literally  mixed with joy for my newly married friend Liza and what must have been a whirlwind year, and sadness for my friend Dan over his loss and the difficulties faced these past few months, that I start to write again. In part to deal  with some of the guilt I feel over not having reached out to them (and a handful of other close college friends). But to write about  the strange comfort that fills within me that their change in fortune (both good and bad) still has a powerful effect on me.  That despite college ending and us moving across the US more than 20 years ago, what happens to my friends still has sincere meaning, and can still take my breath away.

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4 thoughts on “Friends

  • Beautiful writing. Feelings are so mutual. Great pictures of our former lives. See you for some R & R and “friend time” in about a week on the slopes !!

  • Hi Jeremy!
    Thank you so much for writing this piece! I’m sure others appreciate your articulation of these juxtaposed feelings as much as I do.
    The older I get, the more deeply I appreciate old friends. Turns out we are who we are from a very young age, and the shared history from when we were stupider versions of ourselves bonds us for life! 😜
    Friendship is such a profound and miraculous phenomenon, no?
    Posts like yours help us stop and take a breath. They give us permission to slow down and give thanks. It all helps us practice a little more mindfulness around the important things.
    So thanks again, friend!
    Now to text another friend good luck on her presentation today. 😉

  • Jeremy- I love this!!! How are you? Tom and I were talking about you this morning!! Trying to remember who my seniors were in the NICU my intern year…. And remembering that it was jason one month and you the second month! Hope you and the family are well!!
    Janet

    • just having time to breath and relook at some of these comments. Sorry for such a belated reply. Thanks for reading and the kinds words.

      Doing well…though a little burnt. Love seeing the updates on FB about Tom and your son and their open water swim! Residency does seems such a long time ago…

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