Death, Dissonance and the Doctrine of Double Effect. 

This post was first published on Doximity’s Op-(M)ed “First Stab” Collection on 5/2/18 under the title: Should I Heal or Comfort?

Chicago, in February, was dark and cold. Even more so at 5:00 AM, when scraping ice and snow from my windshield before heading to the hospital. It was my first month as an intern in the ICU and my first day without my senior resident present. Working as a team, getting our patients through the day was challenging. Working alone, I felt overwhelmed. Knowing we planned to remove Mr. Thomas’s breathing tube only added to my angst.

A few days earlier, Mr. Thomas came to the emergency room by ambulance, in severe respiratory distress. In those chaotic first few minutes, the ER doctor intubated Mr. Thomas and put him on a ventilator. As the dust settled, and additional information was Read more

Dissonance

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It is September 2012, a bit chilly out, a mist of rain that night, and I find myself a few feet from the stage, packed amongst several hundred others at the Metro. Bob Mould comes out with his new band and promptly starts playing the first song from Copper Blue, “The Act We Act”. Even if the 15 foot speakers were not 10 feet from my ears, the music is felt more so than heard. I am there at the Metro, but I’m also 21, just graduating college. I’m at my desk plodding thru organic chemistry and physics questions with Copper Blue playing on repeat in the background. It’s a warm summer night, but cool in my car with the top down and the stars dancing above, on the road to Michigan City or Fond Du Lac or Madison, with “Changes” on the CD setting the tone. The album is played that night start to finish at a frenetic but absolutely familiar pace. My heart pounding a half-tick ahead of the tempo as I am here, 42 years old, at the Metro, but also 22 years of age with my life ahead of me.

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